Monday, April 2, 2012

Free at Last Ch.03

Thanks again to my editor gbc5452, all worship and bow down to his glory etc etc. Make sure you comment and all that jazz :)


"How are you doing, Nikolai." Henstridge asked.

"Good, I guess."

"You and Clark are getting along?"

"Yeah, he's been really great." 

"No fights since you moved in?"


"None at all?" Henstridge didn't seem to believe it.

"No, no fights..."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that there haven't been any fights." Nikolai snapped.

"No problems at all?"

"I didn't say that."

"Yes you did."

"I said we didn't fight." Nikolai smiled. Henstridge sighed and rubbed her forehead.

"Okay, please clarify."

"It's hard. Being in the same house with him when I have these feelings for him. Especially knowing that he feels the same." Nikolai picked at his sore wrists.

"Does he flirt often? Does he hit on you a lot?" 

"No, well at least not on purpose. We both flirt with each other but we make sure that it doesn't go too far."

"Uh huh." Henstridge thought for a moment, "So there's a lot of sexual tension."

"Yeah." Nikolai shifted uncomfortably.

"Do you want him, sexually?"

"I don't know."

"Why not?"

"Just because, It feels.... strange." 

"That's common after being raped. You're just trying to protect yourself." Henstridge explained.

"Can you please not say that word?" Nikolai sighed.

"What? Rape?"

"Yes. That." Nikolai snapped.

"Why are you uncomfortable with that word?"

"I don't know, I just am." Nikolai crossed his arms.

"You're going to have to accept what happened to you eventually." Henstridge said.

"I know, I know." Nikolai looked down at the floor.

"I think you need to open up to someone besides me."

"Like who? The only one I see daily who is older then ten is Clark." Henstridge stared at Nikolai silently.

"No. I'm not doing that."

"Why not? Has he given you any reason not to trust him?" Henstridge asked.

"No! He's nice and he's gentle and patient and beautiful and more than I des-" Nikolai closed his mouth and stared out the window silently.

"More than you deserve?" Henstridge finished for him. Nikolai stayed silent and closed his eyes to try and stop the tears from falling. He nodded silently.

"Nikolai, you know that you deserve to be loved. Clark loves you. And you know it. Don't you?" She asked. Nikolai covered most of his hands with the long sleeves of the black wool shirt he wore. Instead of speaking he just nodded silently again.

"Alright then. You do know it. Then why are you having such a hard time accepting it? He wants to treat you right, Nikolai." Henstridge said.

"I know!" Nikolai finally spoke. A few tears fell from his eyes and he blinked them away. "I know." He said quietly this time. "I want to accept it but... It's so hard what if he- what if I..." He eventually threw his hands up in exasperation.

"I know this is confusing Nikolai. It will get better. How are the medications working?" Henstridge changed the subject. She knew that she was pushing too hard.

"Okay I guess." Nikolai shrugged.

"Any side effects?" She asked.

"Uh, yeah. Some nausea and a bit of insomnia." He said.

"How bad on a scale of one to ten?" She asked.

"The nausea..." He thought for a second. "Seven? Maybe eight?" He said. Henstridge wrote something down and nodded.

"And the Insomnia?"

"Maybe a five." 

"Okay, well we will see if you adjust anymore. Let me know if it gets any worse and we can try changing it up a bit." She capped her pen. "I think that's enough for today." She said. Nikolai nodded and stood, slipping on his jacket.

"I will see you next week." Henstridge said.

"What? But we meet three times a week." Nikolai stopped at the door.

"I think it's only necessary for us to meet once a week now." She smiled. Nikolai gave a bright smile and was about to leave before he turned around.

"I just want to let you know that just because we're seeing each other once a week now doesn't mean I don't love you just as much as I did before." Nikolai said.

"Which isn't much. You couldn't leave without a sarcastic remark, could you?" 

"Nope." Nikolai smiled and walked out the door.


"Hey, how did it go?" Clark opened the door to his truck for Nikolai.

"It was okay, I guess." 

"Did you talk to her about the side effects of the antidepressants?" Clark asked as they drove out of the parking lot.

"Yeah, she said she wanted to see if I adjusted anymore. And if they got worse then we could try something else." Nikolai told him.

"Good, I'm tired of finding you up at four a.m. Watching cartoons." Clark nudged him. Nikolai scoffed.

"I'll have you know that Spongebob is VERY therapeutic." 

"Right." Clark laughed. Nikolai sighed and leaned his head back. Before he knew it he had drifted off to sleep and only woke when Clark set him down on the couch.

"Wha-?" He sat up.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up. This is the first time you've slept in a few days." Clark frowned. Nikolai laid back down on the couch and sighed.

"I've slept." 

"Laying there with your eyes closed doesn't count." Clark chuckled.

"Uh huh." Nikolai said, with his eyes closed.

"Nuh uh." Clark bent down next to his ear and whispered the disagreement.

"Mhm." Nikolai said even quieter. 

"Nuh uh." Clark said, in just under a whisper. Nikolai was now fast asleep and snoring softly. Clark was amazed at how tired the young man was. He scooped him up again and carried into the guest room where Nikolai was staying. He laid him down on the bed and took off his shoes before bringing the thin blanket over him.

"Sleep tight." He whispered before shutting out the lights.


"Happy birthday." Nikolai smiled as he stepped into Clark's room.

"I didn't know you cooked." Clark laughed as he sat up in bed.

"I don't. But that diner down the street does." Nikolai smiled. Clark laughed and let Nikolai set the tray of french toast onto his lap.

"Man this smells awesome, you got my favorite." Clark danced in the bed.

"I hope so."

"You know you didn't have to do this." Clark said.

"I know. But I wanted to." Nikolai shrugged.

"I cant believe you managed to carry it in yourself." 

"It was not an easy task and I think that's my lifting limit for the rest of the year." Nikolai sat down. Clark could see the sheen of sweat on his forehead and it reminded him of all the work Nikolai had to do for something as little as bringing in a tray of food for Clark's birthday.

"Thank you." Clark smiled. Nikolai returned the smile and gestured for him to eat. After the meal Clark sat in bed for a little while longer, but when he finally got out of bed he saw the house was completely clean.

"Damn. I shoulda let a suicidal Russian queer move in with me sooner." Clark laughed.

"The day isn't over yet. I still got more surprises." Nikolai was struggling with his shoe laces.

"Need some help?" Clark asked. Nikolai sighed.

"Please?" Nikolai blushed, he hated asking for help. Clark bent down and tied the shoe and fixed the other one that was loosely tied.

"Thank you." Nikolai said.

"No problem. So where are we going? What we doing?" Clark asked. Nikolai smiled mischievously. 

"I'm not sure I like that smile." Clark grimaced. 


"You didn't." 

"Oh I did." 

Clark starred at the sleek black motorcycle and the two helmets sitting on the bike. Nikolai walked over to the bike and leaned on it gently. 


"You didn't." Clark repeated.

"Oh I did." Nikolai said again. He stepped away from the bike and behind Clark. He pushed him towards the bike and Clark shook his head and laughed.

"I cant believe you..."

"Enough of that. Lets ride." Nikolai smiled. Clark got onto the bike first and started it. He let out a low moan when the bike purred to life.

"Damn, I miss that." He chuckled. Nikolai sat behind him and strapped on his own helmet.

"Are you sure you can hold on?" Clark asked him.

"I'm sure." Nikolai almost couldn't be heard over the sound of the bike. He hugged Clark close him and leaned onto his strong back.

"This is my first time on a motorcycle." Nikolai laughed. Clark chuckled and Nikolai could feel it through his back. They took a few practice laps up and down the street slowly. Once Nikolai understood how the bike moved Clark went out onto the open road. 

"Where are we going?" Clark asked Nikolai when they stopped at a light. Nikolai gave him directions but didn't tell him where they were going. 

They arrived at the beach and Nikolai pulled Clark off of the bike and into the small cafe that sat near the sandy shore.

"Oh my god this is amazing. How did you know about this place?" Clark asked, as he bit into his burger.

"My ex and I used to come here." Nikolai said. His heart stung whenever he mentioned the man.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine. If I couldn't handle it I wouldn't have brought you." Nikolai gave a slightly crooked smile.

"So what else do you have planned for this oh so special day?" Clark asked, hoping for more.

"Thats for me to know, and for you to wait to find out." Nikolai nibbled on a fry he stole from Clark.

"That was mine." Clark faked a pout.

"Well now it's mine." Nikolai put the rest of the fry into his mouth.


"Weasle." Nikolai corrected.

"Oh so now you're a weasle?" Clark laughed.

"Charmer." Clark rolled his eyes and scooped the remainder of his fries closer to him.

"Sharing is caring." Nikolai frowned.

"Then I aparently don't care." Clark stuck his tongue out.

"I beg to differ. I see how you look at me, you care a lot."

"That, my dear sir, I do." Clark smiled. Nikolai returned the smile with a lot less enthusiasm. Clark noticed that as he recovered he became less and less enthusiastic about life. He had no general opinion on most things. And smiles and other emotions seemed to be just for Clark's benefit.


After a short walk through the beach-side town, Nikolai and Clark sat on a sandy hill. They watched as the sun began falling below the sparkling blue water.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" Clark smiled.

"Yeah." Nikolai said, non convincingly.

"Something wrong?" Clark asked, when he saw Nikolai looking out at the sunset with something that was almost anger.

"No." Nikolai said and stood up and brushed the sand off of his jeans.

"We should get home." The drive home was quiet and uneventful. It was clear that something was on Nikolai's mind but Clark was clueless as to what.

"Goodnight." Clark said once they got home. Nikolai walked quickly into his own room, pulling off the leather jacket he wore as he went. He didn't exactly slam the door, but it was defintly louder then necisary. Clark looked at his closed door with a frown. He wanted to help the troubled man, but had no clue how.


'God, how could I be so stupid?' Nikolai thought as he threw the jacket into the closet. He quickly took off the gloves that he wore and pulled off his shirt. The now exposed scars itched for attention. He quickly pulled off his belt and threw it on the floor of the closet with everything else.

'You cant do anything right.' he thought to himself. He sat on the bed and sighed. After a minute of holding his head in frustration he laid back on the bed. He ghosted his fingers over his fore arm slightly. He thought for a minute before sighing. He reached over to his bedside table and picked up the thin rubber band. He quickly put it around his wrist and snapped it. It wasn't even close to what he really wanted.

'Take a rubber band and snap it around your wrist any time you feel the urge to hurt yourself.' She had said, handing him the boring brown band. He snapped it at least fifteen more times and growled in frustration. He curled his arms close to him. He turned onto his side and curled into a ball. He began drifting off to sleep.

He awoke later and looked at the clock.

3:00 a.m.

He sighed and buried his head in the pillow again but it was no use, he wasn't going back to sleep. He stood and pulled on a pair of pants before walking out of the room.


Clarks eyes snapped open when he heard the noises from outside. He sighed and looked at the clock.

4:15 a.m.

"Jesus, Nikolai." he muttered before standing and making sure the string around his sweats was tight. He looked into the living room and sat that all of the lights were off. He moved around into the kitchen and saw Nikolai sitting at the table. A knife lay in front of him and he held his arms close to him.

"Nikolai, what did you-"

"I didn't do anything." Nikolai said quietly.

"Jesus, don't scare me like that." Clark said, he walked over to the table and saw the blank stare on Nikolai's face.

"How long have you been awake?" 

"A little over an hour."

"You've been sitting here staring at a knife for over an hour." It wasn't a question.

"You wouldn't understand." Nikolai held his forehead like he had a headache.

"Then explain it to me." Clark sat down next to him.

"I cant," Nikolai said. "Unless you've been there you'll never understand." Nikolai said. Clark thought for a moment.

"Then teach me, oh great tutor of mine." Clark picked up the knife and put the sharp end on a random part of his arm. Nikolai looked at the knife and back up at Clark.

"You're insane." He muttered.

"Say that guy who was staring at a knife for an hour." Clark sighed and stood, putting the knife away.

"Didn't your shrink give you that little rubber band trick thing?" Clark asked.

"It's like having a cigarette when you want meth." Nikolai glared at him.

"Oh." Clark sat silently.

"Come on, lets go watch some T.V." Clark pulled him up from the chair.

"What? It's four a.m. Go to bed, I'm fine." Nikolai shrugged off his comforting touch.

"No, you're not. I'm not going to just leave you like this." Clark said. He pulled him into the living room and down onto the couch.


Clark woke and saw Nikolai in the kitchen making breakfast.

"Morning." He said from the couch. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"It's okay." Nikolai didn't look up from the eggs. Clark walked over to the kitchen and watched him silently.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Clark asked. Nikolai paused and sighed.

"I don't think I can do this." He said quietly, he almost couldn't be heard over the sound of the eggs frying.

"Not alone, you cant. But I'm here for you, Nikolai. I can help you." Clark said.

"No you cant, no one can." Nikolai turned around and Clark saw the tears in his eyes.

"Yes I can, if you let me. Please, Nikolai." Clark got off of the table he had been sitting on and hugged Nikolai to his chest.

"I cant do it." Nikolai sobbed into his chest.

"Yes you can." Clark squeezed him tighter. "I know you pretty well by now Nikolai. You're strong enough to beat this." Clark pulled him away so he could look him in the eyes. Nikolai cried quietly for a minute.

"Will you help me?" He finally said, in almost a whisper.

"Yes." Clark hugged him again. Nikolai loved the comforting feel of his arms around him. His body screamed yes while his mind screamed he didn't deserve it.

"The eggs are burning." He pulled away from Clark. He wiped the tears from his eyes with one hand while he put the eggs on a plate.

"I think you should go talk to Henstridge today." Clark said.

"Our appointment isn't until next week." Nikolai said.

"Call her and make one, she will squeeze you in somewhere. I honestly don't think you're ready for once a week sessions." Clark said. "Do you?" Nikolai shook his head quietly.

"I want to be." He sniffed.

"I know, and you will. Just not now." Clark said. "You don't want to rush things."

"I know." Nikolai said.

"Go call her, I'll finish breakfast." Clark took over the cooking potato's.

"Thanks again." Nikolai said, and left the room before Clark could answer.


Clark heard the door open and shut as Nikolai returned from his appointment.

"How did it go? Feel better?" Clark asked. Nikolai gave a small smile and nodded.

"Come in here for a sec." Clark said. Nikolai walked into the kitchen and saw Clark standing next to one of the drawers.

"I moved stuff around. This drawer now holds every sharp object in the house. Scissors, knives, tools, the works. Removing temptation from the room, yeah?" Clark smiled.

"Thank you." Nikolai said, touched that Clark would go out of his way to help him.

"You're welcome. It's locked, and I have the only key. If you need something just ask. Does that work for you?" Nikolai nodded. 

"Come on, I made sandwiches." Clark sat down at the table where two plates of sandwiches and chips sat. Nikolai sat down and looked at the man who had taken him in. He had let a stranger move into his house, eat his food, and watch his daughter when he was working. He was one of the few people who cared for Nikolai.


"What are you doing?"

"Getting ready, I have a job interview in forty-five minutes." Nikolai said, as he struggled with the tie around his neck.

"I thought you already had it."

"No, I went to go see Ana." Nikolai looked up from the mirror, without pausing with the knot in his tie. "She misses you."

"I know, I was planning on going to see her tomorrow." 

"Thats good."

"I'm really glad you're there for her when I cant be, it means a lot to both of us."

"Don't get all sappy on me big guy." Nikolai untied the crooked knot for the fifth time.

"Hold still." Clark laughed and stood behind Nikolai. He tied the knot perfectly on the first try.


"It helps when you can feel your hands."

"Shut up." Nikolai glared at him in mock anger.

"What job are you trying for?"

"A math teacher." Clark tried to stop the laugh that boiled forth with a cough but didn't succeede.


"Its just that you..." He paused.


"You're you. You're a sarcastic angry gay man who is recovering from a suicide attempt. Do you really think the best job for you is teaching essential skills to impressionable children?"

"Shut up." Nikolai glared.

"I didn't even know you went to college." Clark laughed.

"Of course I did. You cant have a face like this without brains to match." Nikolai paused. "Well you can, that just makes you...." Nikolai paused again. "Yeah I got nothing." He shrugged and stood up straight, making sure his jacket was straight.

"You're losing your touch."

"I could have come up with something. But I'm to lazy." Nikolai walked out of the room.

"Are you insane?"

"Little bit." Nikolai threw over his shoulder as he shut the front door behind him.


"How did it go?" Clark asked the second Nikolai stepped through the door. Nikolai glanced at the clock. 11:58

"You waited up for me?"

"Yeah, I wanted to see how it went." Clark smiled and got up from the couch.

"You should have called. I went out for a drink after the interview." Clark shrugged.

"It's fine. Do you always buy new shoes at a bar?" Clark pointed down at the shiny new shoes. Nikolai glanced down before looking up.


Clark laughed and pulled him inside.

"So, celebratory shoes. Things went well?"

"I think so."

"Did he ask about what happened?"

"No, but I told him. He said it shouldn't effect how the interview went."

"Thats great, I'm happy for you. I'm taking you out to breakfast tomorrow." Clark stood up, pulling Nikolai up with him.

"I'm off to bed, see you in the morning?" Clark pushed Nikolai to his own room.

"Eh, I'm not really tired. Think I'll stay up a while longer." Nikolai sat down again.

"Nikolai." Clark frowned.

"Really I'm fine."

"No you're not." Clark pulled him up again, this time leading him to his own room.

"What are you doing?" Nikolai asked, as he was lead along by Clark.

"You're not just staying up, come to bed with me." Clark pouted.

"Clark we talked about this, I-"

"I don't mean that way, Nikolai." Clark smiled.

"Oh, uh... Okay then sure." Nikolai hesitantly followed Clark to the bed. Clark pulled his shirt off over his head and stripped down to his boxers.


"You don't have to if you don't want to." Clark said.

'It couldn't hurt, he's not trying anything." Nikolai thought to himself.

"I'm fine." Nikolai rubbed one of his arms nervously. Clark walked up to Nikolai slowly and unbuttoned his own shirt.

"You okay?" He asked, once Nikolai was stripped down to his own boxers.

"Yeah." Nikolai said quietly, and climbed into bed, under the cool covers. Clark slid in next to him and spooned against him.

"Goodnight." He whispered in his ear. The snuggling was intimate but not sexual. Nikolai felt his eyes brimming with tears as he felt the warm touch of someone who cared for him. It was the first time in a long time he had felt that kind of touch on his bare skin.

"What?" Clark asked, when Nikolai mumbled something.

"I said, Don't ever stop holding me." Nikolai repeated, only slightly louder. Clark hugged him tighter.

"If you let me, I never will." Nikolai cried silently as Clark soothed him with his strong chest against Nikolai's back.


Nikolai woke. He heard the soft snores of Clark behind him, and found he was still lying wrapped in his arms. He listened to his snores for awhile and then finally decided to get up. He tried to shift out of the bed but the more he moved the tighter Clark hugged him. He eventually gave up and laid there quietly, savoring the warm embrace of the other man.

"Morning." Clark mumbled as he woke up.

"Morning." Nikolai said, the sleep long gone from his voice.

"Did you sleep alright?"

"Better than I have in weeks, thank you." Nikolai said, he heard and felt Clark take a long sniff of his hair.

"You smell nice." Clark chuckled.

"Thank you?" Nikolai turned to look at him. Clark made sure he stayed in his arms but let him move enough to face him.

"I hope this isn't making you uncomfortable." Clark said, suddenly worried.

"No, it feels nice." Nikolai said honestly. "It's strange really." he added.


"Feeling warm. It's something more than just body temperature. I don't know how to explain it... I'm just so warm." Nikolai huddled deeper into his arms.

"I know what you mean." Clark hugged him tighter. 

'Nothing like holding the man you love.' Clark thought to himself. 

"We should get up." Clark said.

"It tried about an hour ago, it didn't work so well." Nikolai looked down at the muscled arms wrapped around him.

"Oh, sorry." Clark blushed.

"It's okay." Nikolai stayed under the blankets. Clark let go of Nikolai and could have sworn he heard a grunt of disagreement. He stepped into the bathroom and turned on the hot water. Nikolai poked one eye out from under the blankets and listened to him get undressed. He caught only a fleeting glimpse of Clarks' firm ass as he stepped into the shower. He quickly tucked the blankets over his head and inhaled the scent of Clark from the pillows and sheets.

"You have to come out of there sometime." Clark said. Nikolai poked an eye out again and saw Clark standing there. A fluffy white towel was around his waist and he was using a smaller towel to dry his hair. His chest was smooth and glowed with tiny droplets of water from the shower. His arms had decent sized muscles and his legs showed the same definition. Nikolai buried himself in the covers once more.

"No I don't." His voice was muffled by the blankets.

"Yes, you do." Clark pulled the covers off of him, exposing him to the freezing air. Nikolai growled and curled up in a ball, trying to keep the body heat.

"Come on." Clark pulled him up and pushed him towards the shower. "Take a shower, you will feel better. I'll make breakfast." Clark said. Nikolai did as he was told and climbed into the warm shower. As soon as the hot water ran cold he turned it off and stepped out. Clark had been right and he did feel better than he had in a long sleep.

"Morning, again." Clark smiled as he came out.

"Morning. God I feel great." Nikolai stretched.

"The shower helped?" Clark asked.

"Yes, and so did the good nights sleep." Nikolai sat down at the table. 

"Good, I'm glad I could help." Clark set down a plate with two pop tarts on it. Nikolai stared down at them silently for a moment.

"This is making breakfast?" He looked up at Clark. Clark stared at him while chewing his own pop tarts and shrugged.

"I pushed the button on the toaster." Nikolai laughed and broke one of the pop tarts in half, chewing it slowly.

"So what are we doing today?" Clark asked.

"You don't have to work?" 

"Nope, I was hoping we could go see Ana." Clark said, Nikolai could see the sadness in his eyes as he mentioned his daughter.

"Of course." Nikolai said, and finished chewing his pop tart.


"How is she doing today?" Clark asked the doctor as they watched Ana play.

"I'm not going to lie to you, Clark. It's not looking good." The doctor said.

"It's getting worse, isn't it?" Clark said, leaning his head against the glass that separated them from the sick little girl. 

"Yes." The doctor said simply. Clark sighed and buried his head in his hands. He felt a thin hand on his shoulder and looked back to see Nikolai comforting him. He turned and pulled Nikolai close to him. He was worried Nikolai would pull away but was glad when he returned the embrace.

"It will be okay, Clark." Nikolai promised.

"How do you know?" Clark felt childish but he had every right to act that way in his eyes.

"I don't." Nikolai said honestly. Clark cried quietly into his shoulder. Nikolai held him while he cried and waited until the tears stopped to speak.

"Come on, we need to go see Ana." Nikolai wiped the last of Clark's tears away.

The time they spent with Ana was bleak. They tried their best to pretend nothing was wrong, but even Ana knew that it wasn't looking good. After a few hours with her the two men were exhausted and promised they would return that weekend, and call later. Nikolai and Clark dragged their fatigued bodies through the door, lazily throwing it shut behind them. They dropped their keys and wallets onto the counter, kicking off their shoes and stripping off clothing as they went they landed in Clarks bed. No words were needed, Nikolai knew he would be staying in Clark's bed from now on.

The two men landed on the bed and fell into each others arms. Clark held Nikolai's face as they kissed passionately and Nikolai kept his arms wrapped around Clark's neck. Clark reached down and pulled Nikolai's briefs off desperately. Nikolai did the same until they were both laying in each others arms with no clothing separating them. Clark wrapped his hand around Nikolai's smaller cock and began jacking him off steadily.

"I'm not very big." Nikolai mumbled between kisses. 

"You're perfect." Clark promised. Nikolai tentatively touched Clark's dick and was pleased when he was rewarded with a moan. "Don't worry." Clark promised him.

"I'm just not very experienced." Nikolai blushed.

"You're doing fine." Clark said, as he continued to kiss Nikolai's neck and chest. Nikolai continued to stroke Clark's cock with more confidence.

"I want to suck you." Nikolai whispered. Clark nodded and let go of Nikolai's cock. Nikolai scooted down so his head was level with Clark's hard pole. Clark stroked his hair, urging him on. Nikolai grabbed his shaft and licked the head tentatively. He paused for a moment and decided he liked the flavor. He sucked on the swollen head and stroked the rest with his hand. He went as deep as he could but found once it reached the back of his throat he gagged.

"Take it slow, you're doing fine." Clark caressed the back of his head. Nikolai began sucking on what he could take and jacking what he couldn't. 

"That's it, baby." Clark tossed his head back and savored the feeling of Nikolai's hot mouth. Nikolai got to the point where it touched the back of his throat again and tried to take more, he gagged again and backed off.

"You'll get it babe, just not tonight." Clark panted. Nikolai looked up at him and cool gray eyes met emerald green. Nikolai continued to suck and lick Clark's erection until he was pulled off.

"I don't want to cum yet." Clark kissed Nikolai and tasted himself on the other man's tongue. He reached over and pulled out a tube of lube and a condom. 

"Are you sure you're okay?" Clark asked. Nikolai looked at the lube and condom and swallowed nervously before nodding. 

"Anytime you want me to stop, just tell me." Clark said. Nikolai nodded again and dove back down to Clark's mouth, eager to taste the other man again. Clark pulled him up so Nikolai was straddling his lap, legs being held up by Clark's strong arms. Nikolai sat chest to chest with Clark, his arms hanging from his shoulders lazily. Clark squeezed some lube on his fingers and prodded Nikolai's tight hole. Nikolai jumped.

"Cold." he muttered, and returned to kissing the other man.

"It'll get warm." Clark promised, rubbing the lube in small circles around his ass. Nikolai pushed back and felt Clark's fingers slide into him. He wiggled on the two digits and bit his lip.

"You okay?" Clark asked, Nikolai nodded and started humping back on Clark's fingers. Clark began scissoring his fingers, stretching Nikolai for his cock. When Clark felt that Nikolai was ready, he grabbed the condom. After tearing it open with his teeth he was about to roll it onto his prick when Nikolai stopped him.

"I want to." Clark handed him the condom and Nikolai rolled his down Clark's hard shaft eliciting a moan.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Clark asked, once he had lined up with Nikolai's private opening. Nikolai nodded and leaned onto Clark's shoulders. Clark held his hips with one hand and slowly pressed his large cock into Nikolai's hole.

"Oh god, you're tight." Clark gasped. He held still a moment, letting Nikolai adjust and make sure he wouldn't cum before he was all the way in. After waiting awhile, he moved and began sinking deeper into Nikolai's warm depths. Nikolai wimpered and jumped, Clark waited for him to relax and continued going deeper. Nikolai bit Clark's shoulder as he was filled up. This feeling was completely new. He hadn't felt this fullness when he had been...he pushed the event out of his mind, not wanting to tarnish this moment with Clark. 

"Are you okay?" Clark asked, once he was all the way in.

"Uh huh, just give me a sec." Nikolai whispered. His hands squeezed Clark's back and his head was buried in Clark's neck. Clark waited until he felt Nikolai relax and then began slowly pumping in and out of Nikolai's tight hole. Nikolai whimpered more, only this time it was whimpers of need and pleasure. 

"Oh...God..." He panted as Clark began thrusting in and out of him faster. He wiggled on Clark's penetrating cock. The room was filled with panting and groans from the two men. Nikolai let out mews of pleasure and lust as Clark grunted every time he bottomed out in Nikolai's warm ass. 

"Don't stop." Nikolai begged. Clark kissed him eagerly as they fucked. Nikolai was filled with eight inches of hard cock and felt completely full.

"So tight." Clark gasped in his ear. Nikolai held onto Clark's shoulders as he bounced on his cock and Clark thrusted up.

"I can't hold back, I'm gonna cum." Clark gasped. Nikolai opened his eyes and looked into Clark's. He kissed him hard and continued to bounce on Clark's hard cock. Clark removed one of his hands from Nikolai's hip and began stroking red and purple cock that sat between them. Nikolai tossed his head back, moaning at the smooth hand that stroked him. Clark took the oportunity to suck on Nikolai's exposed neck. Nikolai turned his head so Clark had full access and felt the hickey forming already. 

"I'm cumming, babe." Clark gasped, filling the condom with his liquid hot spunk. Nikolai felt his twitching cock and couldn't hold back anymore. His own dick let lose a torrent between the two men, showering their chests with Nikolai's release. Nikolai squeezed Clark closer, squishing the cum between them. Both men panted heavily and collapsed onto the bed. Clark slipped out of Nikolai who jumped as the slick cock slid out. He was suddenly empty and didn't like the feeling. He curled up next to Clark who hugged him to his spunk covered chest. Both men ignored the mess as sleep overcame them.


Clark woke and smelled the familiar shampoo that Nikolai used. He opened his eyes and found his chin was resting on top of Nikolai's head, and as he slightly moved into a more comfortable position Nikolai buried his face into Clark's neck. Nikolai wiggled in his sleep and curled up even closer to Clark. Clark smiled and sighed. He hugged the smaller man to him and ran his hands up and down his spine. Nikolai shivered and opened his eyes.

"Good morning." Nikolai said, the gray eyes showed slight fear. Clark guessed he was afraid he regretted what happened last night.

"Morning, sleep well?" Clark asked, hugging him closer still. 

"Yeah, last night..." Nikolai didn't know what to say.

"Was fantastic." Clark finished. Nikolai smiled.

"Yeah, it was. I cant believe I waited that long." He laughed.

"Agreed, I didn't hurt you did I?" Clark asked.

"No." Nikolai smiled.

"Come on, we should clean up. Share a shower with me?" Clark asked, Nikolai frowned.

"But I'm comfy." He pouted.

"To bad," Clark kissed his head, "We need a shower." He pulled away and flakes of dried cum came off of their chests. 

"Sorry." Nikolai blushed. Clark laughed and tossed his legs over the bed.

"Oh my god!" Nikolai shouted. Clark turned around to face him.

"What? Are you okay?" Clark asked, worried. Nikolai pushed him so his back was to him again and that's when Clark felt the pain.

"Ow, what the hell?" Clark felt a stinging pain in his upper back. He reached a hand back and felt the ten small cuts in his back.

"I scratched you, I'm so sorry!" Nikolai covered his face with his hands, embarrassed.

"It's okay, it doesn't hurt that bad." Clark laughed, surprised he didn't notice it earlier.

"Are you sure? Oh god I feel so bad." Nikolai blushed.

"It's fine, we're even since I gave you that giant hickey." Clark wiggled his eyebrows. Nikolai's smile vanished and he put a hand to his neck.

"Clark! I have to see Henstridge today." Nikolai blushed harder. 

"You were going to tell her about us anyways, right?" Clark smiled. Nikolai pouted.

"Yeah, but I didn't want it to be so obvious." He smiled. Clark laughed and stood up. Nikolai looked at his firm ass and felt his mouth water just a little.

"Are you staring at my ass?" Clark turned to look at Nikolai, keeping his ass to the other man. Nikolai blushed again.

"Yours isn't so bad, either." Clark helped Nikolai up, who groaned and hissed.

"Are you okay?" Clark asked, worried.

"It's a good sore." Nikolai smiled. They walked to the bathroom, Nikolai walking with a funny limp. Clark smiled and turned on the hot water. He stepped in, and pulled Nikolai to him. Kissing the other man, the water poured over them. The dried cum washed off easily and Nikolai made sure to scrub Clark's back well, cleaning the scratches. After they were clean, Clark pulled Nikolai to him again and they sat under the warm water, holding each other and kissing.

"I'd stay here all day with you, but I'm going to be late for my appointment." Nikolai pouted.

"Okay, I'll see you tonight?" Clark asked.

"Yeah." Nikolai smiled. The two men got dressed and with one final kiss, that stretched into five minutes of reluctance to leave on both their parts, Clark was off to work and Nikolai to his appointment.


"So, I'm hoping Clark is the lucky guy?" Henstridge pointed to the hickey.

"Yes, you win the prize! Ding, ding, ding! What do we have for her, Johnny?" Nikolai pointed to his invisible assistant. 

"I see getting laid didn't fix your sarcasm." Henstridge scribbled something down in her notepad.

"You can't fix what isn't broken. Mine is working just fine." Nikolai smiled and crossed his legs.

"So are you two in a relationship now?" Henstridge asked.

"I guess, yeah." Nikolai smiled.

"You seem happy." 

"I am, this is the happiest I've been in a really long time. I'm getting a full night of sleep, I have the man of my dreams, I just can't help but think...." Nikolai trailed off.

"What?" Henstridge turned her head to the side.

"I'm just worried that this is all to good to last." 


"I don't know, I just have this feeling. About my ex."

"You think he would come back?" Henstridge asked.

"Yes, I just can't help feel like it isn't over. And I'm worried that he would hurt Clark.... Or you know, that Clark would hurt him." Nikolai laughed.

"Why would someone hurt him?" Henstridge asked.

"Justin? Maybe because they met him? Oh crap, did I say that out loud?" Nikolai coughed.

"I meant Clark."

"I don't know, you just don't know Justin. It's something he would and could do." Nikolai said.

"I'm sure it's nothing Nikolai. It's been almost a year since you've seen him. Why would he come back now?" Henstridge asked.

"You're right." Nikolai waved a hand. "It's probably nothing." Nikolai nodded. 

"I'd like for you to come in on Thursday too, I think we should get a hold of this anxiety thing before it gets out of control." Henstridge wrote down the date in her notepad.

"But I have an important date." Nikolai pouted.

"Oh, okay. I'll just jump in my time machine, go back two years ago, ask the rapist to postpone the rape a few days so that you can have your date."

"Now you're just abusing the sarcasm." Nikolai glared at her, but couldn't help feeling the lurking dread in his stomach.


"God, every day here is the same." Nikolai groaned once he got home.

"Bright, sunny, beautiful. How can we escape this torment?" Clark looked up from his sandwich.

"Hey, sarcasm is my thing." Nikolai scowled at him. 

"Want a sandwich?" Clark asked, ignoring Nikolai's glare.

"No, I had pizza earlier." Nikolai sat down at the table to keep Clark company.

"So I was hoping we could go out tonight, yeah? I know this great Indian place." Clark said.

"Eh, I'm not a fan of Indian." Nikolai smiled.

"I know a great Italian place, then." Clark smiled.

"I love Italian." Nikolai smiled.

"Italian it is." Clark laughed.

"Oh hey, I have good news. I got a promotion today." Clark smiled.

"That's nice." Nikolai stared out the window.

"What's a guy got to do to impress you?" Clark smiled.

"It involves a rabbit and the theme to Mork and Mindy." Nikolai said, coming back to the conversation.

"Uh huh... Well I'll get started on that." Clark nodded. "What were you thinking about? You got all spacey on me for a second there." Clark asked, finishing his sandwich.

"Nothing, just something Henstridge and I were talking about. I'm tired, I think I'll go take a nap and then we can go out for dinner when I wake up, yeah?" Nikolai asked.

"Sure. You want me to come?" Clark asked.

"No, I'll be fine." Nikolai smiled at him as he disappeared into Clark's room. Clark could sense he was lying and followed him into he room.

"You know me to well." Nikolai was lying on his back, his eyes were closed but he knew Clark was there.

"Are you okay?"

"Why is everything so hard?" Nikolai asked.

"It's called life." Clark sat down, and began stroking Nikolai's hair. Nikolai scrunched his brow.

"Well make it stop." 

"Can't do that, sorry." 

"Does it ever get easier?" Nikolai opened his eyes and turned his head to the side so he could look at Clark.

"What do you want me to say?" Clark asked.

"Lie to me." 

"Yes, it gets so much easier. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are always distinguished by their horns or black hats. We always save the day, no one ever dies, and we all live happily ever after." Clark laid down next to Nikolai.

"Liar." Nikolai whispered. A moment past and Nikolai spoke again. "I can't believe you knew that quote." He laughed.

"I didn't think you knew it." Clark laughed with him.

"I was a big 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' fan a few years back. I know all the quotes. Can't surprise me." Nikolai smiled.

"What episode was that from, then?" Clark laughed.

"'Lie to Me', season two, epsiode seven." Nikolai didn't hesitate.

"Wow you really had no life." Clark looked at him.

"Nope." Nikolai shrugged. 

"But yes, it does." Clark said. Nikolai looked at him, confused.


"Get easier. It does." Clark promised.

"How do you know, Yoda?" Nikolai turned back to the ceiling and closed his eyes.

"Because I do. You fall in love. Spend the rest of your life with that person. Go to work, come home, eat dinner, make love, sleep, and do it all over again." Clark said.

"That doesn't sound like its easier. That just sounds....... Rutty." He pouted.

"Rutty, huh? Well its not. It's wonderful. Knowing that every day you have one person to come home to who will never, ever, stop loving you." Clark kissed his forehead.

"I want you to be that one person." Nikolai surprised himself by saying it.

"We'll work on it." Clark promised, and continued stroking his hair. A moment of silence passed and Nikolai spoke again.

"You know," He started, "Lunch is kind of like dinner. And you got home from work. So next..." Nikolai looked up at Clark.

"I know what comes next." Clark laughed and rolled on top of Nikolai. He straddled his hips and began kissing his neck lovingly.


"We were supposed to go out for dinner." Clark laughed.

"I had dinner." Nikolai licked his fingers, as if he had just eaten a meal. Clark hugged him close and nuzzled his neck.

"I can't believe you swallowed. I've never had anyone do that with me before." Clark smiled.

"You're yummy." Nikolai nibbled his lips. 

"You don't taste so bad yourself." Clark kissed Nikolai. Nikolai looked at the clock, stopped, and pulled away enough to speak.

"Holy crap, when did tomorrow happen?" Nikolai laughed. Clark looked over and saw that it was eight a.m.

"Sometime between the blow job and the massage." Clark said, looking at the clock. Nikolai pushed him and crawled out of bed.

"It's weird, I'm not tired at all." Nikolai stretched.

"Me either, so come back to bed and we can have round...." Clark counted on his fingers, "Four." He winked. Nikolai laughed.

"You're insatiable."

"I'm sure you could sat-" Clark was interrupted by a knock at the door followed by the bell.

"Who could that be this early?" Clark stood up pulling on some pants. Nikolai brushed his hair as Clark went to see who it was. Whoever it was knocked again, only harder this time. Nikolai heard Clark open the door.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Nikolai."

Nikolai's blood froze at the sound of the relaxed voice. The feelings of uneasiness and dread hit him all at once, making him clutch his stomach with both hands.


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