The Diary

1/13/2012
3:02 A.M.

Dear Diary,

I’m not sure why I’m writing this. My mother always said it was a good idea to keep track of things. She said your mind couldn’t always remember them. Especially when you got to be to her age. But anyways, I should probably tell you about myself. Not that I know who ‘you’ are. I suppose whoever reads this diary will be interested in what I have to say. Maybe not. But I digress. (I’ve always wanted to say that) Anyways, my name is Austin, I’m eighteen years old now, but I don’t think I’ll start my story here. Maybe I’ll go back and tell you about my childhood. About my family. I’m kind of short. And I’ve been told I’m handsome, but I don’t know. Oh, and there’s one more thing I should mention.

I was the first ever infected person.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1/13/2012
3:46 A.M.

Dear Diary,

I guess I should begin my story now. I remember when I was five, my father left. I don’t really remember him all that much, but I don’t think I ever really cared for him. He was a cold man, I don’t think he ever really loved my mother or I. But that’s not the point. The point is that my mother raised me by herself. She was a tall and lanky woman, but her strength didn’t lie in her muscles. My strongest memory from that time is of her. She could think of a way out of any problem. From small things, like school projects. To larger things, like when I first became infected. But we’ll talk about that later.

I was an only child growing up, my mother always said she didn’t want to risk having another child, she was sure to be jinxed after having such a good one. I didn’t ever really believe in that, though. I always wanted a brother or a sister. I got to lonely, you know? Anyways, I went to school, had a few friends. I don’t know. It was pretty normal I guess. We used to go out into a field behind our house, and catch dragonflies, or fireflies in the summer. I would put them into clear jars my mother used to make jelly in, and watch them all night. She always made me let them go though. I was convinced I could keep them alive like a pet. Now I realize I would have just killed them all, trying. I guess a free animal just cant be caged.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1/14/2012
4:12 A.M.

Dear Diary,

I suppose I should tell you about when I got infected now. From what I’ve figured, I was the first person to ever be mutated. Anyways, I first got sick when I was eight. It started with a fever. I remember mother keeping me home from school for several days, trying to wait out the fever. But eventually it got so bad she was forced to take me to the hospital. She never really liked them. She insisted that unless you were dying, or to be permanently cripple, there was no reason to waste money on a doctor. For a while I didn’t understand, I thought she was just stubborn and cheap. But now I realize it only made me stronger. Never resorting to any medication, letting my body grow stronger. Honestly, I think that’s what let me survive it all. Maybe that’s why I was the first to be infected. Maybe there really were others besides me, they just didn’t survive the symptoms.

After the fever came the vomiting, dizziness, and cold sweats. I spent every day and every night over the toilet. I would throw up until I had nothing left to give to the porcelain gods. My throat would bleed and my stomach would cramp. Soon the cramps from the vomiting faded into the cramps from the start of organ failure. My mother was putting on her shoes to take me to the hospital, rushing the whole time. It had gotten to the point where I could do nothing but scream. My organs were shutting down and neither of us could do anything to fix it. She moved to scoop me up off the bed and pulled her hands away quickly.

“What’s on your...” She looked at her hands before kneeling next to me and sitting me up. I cried and sobbed as I began to fade out. “My god...” She mumbled. I don’t remember much after that.

I woke up a week later. It was a miracle I had survived without a doctors care. I remember lying on my stomach when I woke up. Everything was so loud and my head throbbed. I blinked hard, trying to get the sleep out of my eyes and I remember seeing my mother sitting in a chair across the room. I looked at her and asked if I was better, but I remember the words felt strange in my mouth, like I had just gotten back from the dentist.

She just stared at me blankly and then shrugged. I swung my legs over the bed and the motion made me dizzy. After I forced myself up I rubbed my head some more, trying to get the ache to disapear. I ran my hand back through my hair and paused. I frowned and felt the strange soft lump towards the top of my head. I looked at my mom, who was just looking out the window, troubled. I tottered unsteadily over to the bathroom door, looking at my reflection through the mirror I found it very hard to believe I had actually woken up from my deep sleep. I was probably still dreaming, right? Yeah, no.

My ears had rounded out and shifted towards the top of my head, twitching side to side at every little creak and groan in the house. My once brown hair had turned into a lighter sandy color. My green eyes were now a dark brown, nearly black color, and small black dots had been splattered around my nose and mouth. From each little dot grew a long thing whisker.

The confusion only continued as I looked farther down my body, my once smooth chest now had a light dusting of tan fur, and my once flat body now showed signs of muscle undearneath the tan skin. I turned and looked over my shoulder at the mirror, astonished at the slightly darker tan fur that grew down my spine. To top off all of the madness, a long thin tail swished from side to side next to my leg, forced down the back of my left shorts leg. The tan appendage was topped off by a tiny patch of dark brown fur.

I reached a hand up to touch my face and realized each hand closely resembled a paw now, with long fingers like a human, but retractable claws at the end of each. I opened my mouth to say something and caught the shine in my mouth from brand new white fangs. I covered my mouth with my pawed hands and stared at my reflection for a long time.

I finally stumbled back into the bedroom and stared at my mother, who stared back and me. The one thing I’ll never forget is how she just looked at me and her only response to my quickened breath, pounding heart, and watering eyes, was a shrug.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1/15/12

3:08 A.M.

Dear Diary,

I’m sorry for the short entries, Being where I am at the moment I don’t have a lot of time to write... I’ll get to that after I finish telling you about...well, everything.

After we did a bit of research and came up with nothing, no other known cases of anything like this happening, we just didn’t know what to do. My mom spent a lot of time crying, and I spent a lot of time alone. She was worried that if I spent time around other people then some scientist would come and scoop me up.

The first couple of days were the hardest. I couldn’t figure out how to talk without slurring my words around my new fangs. My tail had a mind of its own and I was constantly knocking things over and smacking my own legs. My ears twitched and turned all the time, and my brain didn’t even know how to process all the new information my whiskers were giving me.

It was only after I watched a show on Animal Planet that I realized these weren’t just random mutations. I was part lion. The tail was the same, the ears were the same, and all the new fur in all the weirdest places was the same color.

I spent the next hour making roaring and growling sounds at my mom.

Eventually though, people came around asking why I hadn’t been in school for three weeks. We got calls and mail from the principal and teachers telling my mom that I had to go to school unless there was a medical reason I couldn’t. Ha. Medical reason.

So I had to go back. We spent three hours getting me ready. An entire roll of duct tape held my tail down to the inside of my leg, I didn’t even want to think about how much getting all that off would hurt. A hoodie covered my rounded ears, gloves covered my paw-like hands, and to top it all off a face mask to covered my teeth and whiskers. By this time I had learned how to talk, though there was a sort of ‘accent’ that muddled my speech.

It was the middle of summer and wearing all of that protective gear made me sweat like I had never sweat before. Fur matted down to my skin and even my ears drooped low under my hoodie from the weight of all the moisture. I couldn’t help but let my tongue hang out and pant under the face mask. People looked at me weird, but whenever they would ask I would just say what my mom told me to say. That I had a cold and didn’t want to get anyone else sick. I knew no one believed it, but it kept them from asking questions.

This went on for another two weeks. By now my mom and I had grown used to the mutations and I had finally learned how to keep my tail from breaking things. My speech still had the ‘accent’ and my ears still twitched uncontrollably, but it was now just part of the daily motions. I had managed to keep my secret for over a month now and even I was impressed, but then I broke my record.

My best friend at the time was named Jeremy. He was a tall scrawny kid like me, or like I used to be, and had a big mouth. He could get a little obnoxious at times but we were two peas in a pod. Since I had gotten sick I hadn’t spent very much time playing with him, or anyone else. I spent my time alone, or with my mother. She was too afraid that the hoodie would fall back, my face mask would fall off or someone would feel my tail. I knew Jeremies feelings were hurt that I wouldn’t hang out with him anymore, but what could I do?

One day towards the end of summer, the temperature had skyrocketed into the 100s. It was on a Saturday and the sun was high in the sky when I asked my mom if I could go swimming.

We had a couple of local hang outs that kids would go to swim at, jumping from ropes on trees or rocks above the water. But there was one place only a couple of us knew about and we would go there on occasion. But I knew that everyone would be at one of the bigger watering holes since a picnic was being held there today. She thought long and hard, but I guess she saw how uncomfortable I was with the fur clinging to my body and my ears and tail lying down lazily in the heat. She finally nodded her head yes and I think I nearly died four times running there because I kept tripping over my own feet.

Once I reached the watering hole, I was pleased to see that it was empty just as I had thought. I stripped off the hoodie and the shirt underneath quickly. I pulled off my jeans and when I wore nothing but the boxers clinging to my hips I yanked off the duct tape wrapped around my tail and leg. I didn’t even wince as it removed a good amount of fur with it. I chucked the moist, furry, tape onto the ground and dove head first into the water.

It was the first time I had been swimming since I had gotten sick and it didn’t take me long to realize that lions were decent swimmers. My paws had a small amount of webbing between them that greatly helped propel me through the water. It was kind of cool. But my excitement didn’t last very long when I heard the chatter of nearby kids. My ears laid flat against my head, hiding in my mess of tan hair and I let myself sink until my nose was barely above the water. Soon, three kids my age came into sight and I cursed silently under the water.

“Austin?” I remembered Jeremys voice sounded weird with my ears pressed to my hair, hidden in the sloppy wet mess.

I turned my back to him and, with my ears pressed down, spoke as carefully as I could, it was always an effort to hide my new found ‘accent’.

“Oh, hey Jeremy...” I mumbled.

“Wow, he finally leaves his house, we were starting to think you didn’t like us anymore.” This girl named Jennifer said. She was always kind of a bitch to me. Not that I knew what bitch was at 8 but that’s besides the point.

“What? You know you guys are my friends.” I laughed nervously.

“Whatever, at least now we get to swim!” I heard Jeremy laugh as he dove into the water. I cursed again silently and doggy paddled to the shore, unsure of what to do. If I got out they would surely see my tail, ears, or fur. If I stayed in...well it was all kind of the same. Jeremy swam over to me and began splashing me playfully. I didn’t splash back, afraid he would see my paws.

“What’s wrong with you? You’ve been so weird lately.” He wrinkled his nose. I bit my lip with my fangs, my back still to Jeremy. I figured the only way I could get out of this without everyone know would be if I had some help from somebody.

“I need to tell you something.” I whispered, still with my back to him.

“Okay...what?” He shrugged, treading water behind me.

“Tell the other two to go, first.” I said, my ear muscles beginning to cramp from pressing the round nubs to my head for so long.

“Whats the matter with you?” I could hear the frown in his voice.

“Just do it!” I whined. He groaned and I heard him turn around to face Jennifer and the other girl I didn’t know.

“Hey, get out of here.” He spat.

“Why?” Jennifer asked.

“We got stuff to do!” Jeremy shrugged, sloshing the water around him.

“And why can’t we stay for that stuff?” The other girl asked.

“It’s boy stuff, girls wouldn’t get it.”

“What do you mean, ‘boy stuff’?” I could practically hear the sound of her hands hitting her hips as she took a defensive stance.

“We’re going to eat worms and fart!” He shouted. I held back a giggle, he didn’t even know what I had to tell him but he knew it was important and that I didn’t want others to know about it. I hoped I wouldn’t lose his friendship after he found out what a freak I was. After the girls had ran away screaming something about boys being gross and stupid, Jeremy turned back to me.

“Okay so what is it? Tell me, I wanna know!” He said, in his thick brooklyn accent.

“You have to promise not to freak out.” I warned.

“I promise, I promise. What is it?” Jeremy asked.

“No, really!” I said, wanting him to take it seriously. He sighed and I could practically hear the sound of his eyes rolling in his head.

“I pinky swear I won't freak out, see?” He held out his hand over my shoulder so I could see his extended pinky. I bit my lip so hard I could taste blood, before extending my furred pinky and locking it with his.

“What the hell?” His eyes went wide as I turned and finally let my ears pop up to where they were supposed to be. “Dude...” Was all he could force from his mouth.

After spending a good hour and a half explaining to him what happened to me, and him nodding silently the whole time, I was ready for him to take off running into the woods and in a couple of hours have a bunch of crazy scientists at my door, dragging me away from my home. But that didn’t happen. When I was finished, he nodded once more before looking up at my new face and simply asking.

“Can you catch a rabbit?”

I remembered blinking a couple of times and staring at him as he stared at me with glimmering eyes.

“What?” I asked.

“A rabbit. Or a deer, that could be cool! Like a Lion on the wild plains of Africa! Can you growl? Oh oh, can you ROAR!” He asked, shouting the word ‘roar. “Are you going to grow a mane? What does it feel like having a tail?” I stuttered as I tried to answer all of his questions before he could fire off new ones.

“I don’t want to catch a deer, and yeah I guess I can. I don’t know if I can grow a mane, or if I want one! It doesn’t feel that weird.” I shrugged.

“Let me hear you roar!” He smiled. We spent the rest of the day sitting by the small lake and roaring at each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1/18/12

5:01 A.M.

Dear Diary,

I guess I pretty much covered what it was like as a kid. Not long after I told Jeremy my secret, we graduated from Elementary school and moved on to Junior high. Things were awkward to say the least. We switched from ‘girls have cooties’ to ‘getting to first base wasn’t enough’ in only a matter of months. Dating for me was, obviously, complicated. I spent most of my time alone, while Jeremy soared up the social ladder and got involved in sports. He began dating more and more frequently and we eventually drifted apart. Instead of hanging out for hours on end, it was just a head nod in the hallway if we happened to notice each other. I know it happens to friends as they get older, but that doesn’t make it suck any less.
Even though dating was tough, didn’t mean I didn’t try. I went to a couple of school dances with girls, and tried to hang out around Jeremy and his girlfriend(s) whenever I could. I had adopted a sort of ‘look’ to hide my obvious mutations. To keep my whiskers hidden I always wore a bandana, of course I heard a lot of ‘cowboy’ jokes, but it didn’t bother me. I had a large collection of styles and it became a constant. No one bothered to ask, I was just ‘that weird guy with the bandana on his face’. My ears were always hidden by a hoodie, and even under that I grew my hair out long so that if it did happen to fall back, you could hardly see the round nubs. My tail was always tucked into my pant leg, and my paws covered by black gloves. I had a sort of emo look to me, not by choice but by necessity, I wasn’t that strange looking, but I suppose kids just know when something is different. That something being me. Around this time my mutations started to change. While most kids my age started growing more body hair, mine was a bit more excessive. The tan fur spread down from my head and coated my body even more, I had gotten used to having a light dusting of it but now during the hot summer days I thought I was going to die. So I began shaving. In the sixth grade and already I owned an electric razor all to myself.
It wasn’t until High school I started really getting noticed as weird. The word of a ‘plague’ had just gotten out and people began getting cautious. I had managed to slide past the notice of school faculty and doctors over the years, but people began to talk. I was even more of an outcast than I was back in Junior high, and Jeremy had completely stopped talking to me. I ended up eating lunch alone everyday, and spending the weekends locked in my room. I had to shave every morning to keep a full mane from growing, which would be very difficult to hide and very uncomfortable in the hot weather. I had a very small group of friends, if you could even call them that. Just a couple of outcasts like me that banded together to stay alive in the jungles of High school. Among that small group was Erik. Erik was even smaller than I was, something I didn’t think was even possible. His black hair hung down into his eyes, covering the thick glasses that constantly slid down his nose. His eyes twitched, and he had a habit of blinking unusually hard, as if he had just stepped out into the brightest light the world had ever seen. We hung out occasionally, but never outside of school.  One day, while hiding from our P.E. teacher under the bleachers, Erik started a conversation. He was always the quieter between the two of us, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t startled when his soft voice broke the silence.

“Have you ever been on a date?” Erik asked.

“A couple, back in Junior high.” I muttered behind my mask.

“What was it like?” he looked up from his book and pushed his glasses up higher on his nose.

“I dunno, it was alright I guess.” I shrugged.

“Was it with a girl?” I looked over at him and his eyes quickly darted to the ground.

“Of course it was with a girl, who else would it be with?” I asked.

“I dunno, another guy?” he shrugged.

“I’m not gay.” I frowned at him.

“I didn’t say you were.” He shut his book and shoved it into his backpack.

“Are you?” I asked.

“No!” He said, a little too quickly.

“Really? I wouldn’t care if you were.” I shrugged, and it was true.

“Really?” He looked up over the thick lenses of his glasses.

“Yes really.” I leaned back and let my legs dangle over the edge of the storage box I was sitting on, kicking them gently in the wind.

“Well, I don’t really know if I am.” He shrugged.

“How do you not know?” I shook my head.

“I dunno.” he shrugged again, there seemed to be a lot of that going around. “I’ve never been with a boy or a girl, so it’s not like I have a lot of notes to compare. But, when I think about...well you know. I think about guys mostly.” He bit his lower lip.

“Well why don’t you just kiss someone then, that should tell you, right?” I shrugged, and lit a cigarette. I turned my head and carefully lifted the bandana long enough to take a drag before letting it fall back into place, and blowing smoke out around the fabric.

“How do I ask someone to kiss me just to see if I’m gay or not?” he shook his head, dismissing the idea.

“Just ask them. It’s not that hard.” I took another drag.

“Well...can I kiss you?” He asked. I blinked and raised an eyebrow. Before shaking my head.

“No.” I said simply.

“Why not?” He frowned. “It’s just a kiss it doesn’t mean anythin’.” He swallowed.

“It’s not that, I just don’t like kissing.” I lied.

“Liar.” He called my bluff. It was quiet for a moment as either of us had nothing to say before he spoke again. “Why do you always wear that bandana?” He asked.

“I have a birth defect.” I lied again.

“Liar.”

‘How does he do that?!’ I had to keep from growling out loud in frustration.

“I’m sure you don’t look that bad, can I see?” He asked. I stared at him before shaking my head and looking away. “Please?” He stood up off the box he was sitting on and crossed the space between us, pushing his slender body between my legs and putting his hands on my thighs. I leaned back, blowing smoke out from under my bandana and we stood there in silence. His slender fingers massaged the muscle just above my knees, and one hand reached up to touch my toned chest. I was thin, but had lean muscles much like the wild cat I got my other traits from. Without a word, he stretched up to his tiptoes and kissed my, over the black bandana I wore across my whiskered mouth. The kiss didn’t last more than four seconds, but I felt my tail pull against the inside of my jeans.

“I’m definitely gay.” He whispered, still inches away from my mouth.

“Oh...” I let the single syllable slip from my mouth.

“I’m sorry.” A blush spread across his face and his covered his eyes.

“No, it’s okay it was nice.” I said, before I could stop the words from leaving my mouth. He peeked out from behind his fingers and his eyes were wide and filled with unshed tears.

“It was?” He said.

“Yeah.” I swallowed.

We got really close after that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1/19/12

4:29 A.M.

Dear Diary,

I’ll finish telling you about Erik and I now. We started dating after that. I didn’t really have a big coming out thing, I mean I hardly even talked to anyone to come out to. My mom asked once, if Erik and I were more than friends and I said yes. That was that. We had been dating for a month when he suddenly went missing. He didn’t show up to school, or to our spot under the bleachers, I went by his house and his parents said he was sick, but he was gone for three weeks without a word, and that wasn’t like him. He was clingy, but I liked it. Having him not track me down just to say hi was starting to bring me down. Finally I skipped school and walked to his house, around 10 A.M. so I knew his parents were at work. The door opened a crack after I knocked for fifteen minutes straight.

“Austin? Is that you?” Eriks familiar voice came through the crack.

“yes, it’s me. Where have you been? I’ve missed you...” I let the last line out as only a whisper.

“I’m..sick...I think we’re going to have to break up.” He said. I stared at the crack in the door silently for a minute.

“What? What are you talking about? Did I do something? How sick? Is it something serious? Don’t be scared, Erik, I’m here for you.” I said everything I could think of to get him to talk to me.

“It’s not you, Austin. It’s something thats wrong with me.” He whispered.

“Talk to me.” I begged, leaning my head against the door. “I can’t lose you, Erik...I know we’ve only been together a month, but it’s the best month of my life. I didn’t even know I was lonely until I met you.” I said, and I meant every word of it. You never really miss something until it’s gone, right?

“I-I can’t. I’m sorry Austin. I want to but...”

“but what? You can tell me anything!” I put a gloved hand on the door.

“I’m not allowed, I’m sorry.” He was caving, I could hear it in his voice. Finally, I had had enough. I pushed the door open and felt him fall back. I shut the door and blinked at the darkness of the house. I rubbed my eyes and blinked them hard a few times, before focusing on Erik who sat on his ass on the hard wood floors.

“D-don’t!” He shouted, and covered his face. His hair was black and wirey, and his eyes glowed bright orange. His fingers were even slimmer and longer than before, and tipped with sharp black claws, his ears were large and round, and a bushy tail hung from between his legs.

“Erik? What are you...” I whispered, in shock at what I was seeing, I wasn’t alone.

“Please, Austin, don’t tell anyone please!” He begged, tears falling from his bright orange eyes.

“I won't tell anyone, I promise.” I said, settling down on my knees to hold him. “Don’t cry, Erik. Please, don’t.” I stroked his black hair, that had lost its shine and had grown thinner and more wirey.

“I know I’m ugly...” He whispered. “My hair and...god I have a tail.” He held up his bushy short tail. I couldn’t help but smile and pulled him to his feet by his clawed hands. Without saying a word I untied my bandana and unzipped my hoodie. My gloves followed soon after, and after some awkward shifting, I pulled my tail out the top of my jeans. Erik stared at me with wide orange eyes, even after I thought they couldn’t get any wider. “Y-you...” his words fell to nothing as he stared. He lifted up his hand and ran it through my sandy hair, feeling the round ears there.

“I got you to stop crying, didn’t I?” I smiled. After that we sat down, and we talked. We talked for a long time.

“God, whats happened to us...if people find out...” Erik shook his head, after I had told him my entire life story.

“Why do you think I hide? Do you know if anyone else has...”

“No. Just me...and you, too.” He nodded.

“We’ll work this out, I don’t know how but we will.” I nodded.

Eriks parents called the police the next day.

That was the last time I saw him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1/20/12

2:08 A.M.

Dear Diary,

Things moved fast after that. The shit really hit the fan. The cops called the government, and the government called whoever the hell the government listens to, and that was what people know as ‘the outbreak’ when the infected were really discovered. Schools closed, and panic hit the streets. My mother tried to hide me but the cops were doing searches, trying to find anyone with symptoms. So I ran. I knew she would get in trouble if I was found, so what more could I do but run? I hit the streets and eventually the buzz calmed down. People who were ‘infected’ were still being picked up and taken away, but no one knew where. They just knew they were gone. Some people thought to Jail, others thought to medical facilities. Some just ignored it all together. A few escaped the watching eye of the police and took to the streets. We lived day by day off of scraps that we dug out of garbage cans, some whored themselves out to pay for food, others turned to drugs. It was a miserable life. I wish I could say that I didn’t do any of those things to survive...I wish.

I started working The Cellar when I turned eighteen. The Cellar was this old run down bar that became the local ‘spot’ where guys would go to satisfy their...needs. The bar had closed years ago, and was mostly underground. Only a few windows let some light in. So Infected and non-Infected alike would crowd the interior of the building, Jons would walk in, pick someone out, and take them to the empty apartments upstairs. It wasn’t glamourous, but it kept me fed. Down there no one cared if you had wings, or horns, or a tail. Only that you had a warm mouth and a willing ass. I try not to think about it.

But, that didn’t last long either. Eventually word got out about The Cellar. There was a ‘special unit’ designed to capture the scattered Infected and bring them to...wherever it was they took them, it was called the ‘Containment Unit’ but everyone on the streets called them C.U’s. They wore pale green uniforms and carried tranquilizer guns with cattle prods attached to them. They hunted us like animals, and they almost always got their kill.

I didn’t even bother running when they broke into the apartment I was in. The John I was with ran, he jumped out the window and the poor guy forgot we were on the second floor. He broke both of his legs I heard. They threw me, and a couple of other guys into the back of a truck, and drove off.

and that’s where I’m at now. I thought I should just catch you up to my life so far. I had this journal forever but never bothered writing in it. We’ve been driving for days and they’ve only let us out twice. I’m not even going to go into detail about how gross it is in here. I can only write in the early mornings, when everyone is asleep. I may have been forced to grow up fast, and I can be a little naive, but I do know that weakness isn’t a good thing to show. I hope they don’t take the book from me, I know it doesn’t make any sense, but it makes me feel close to my mom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1/22/12

3:48 A.M.

Dear Diary,

We finally reached our destination. I mean, I guess this is our destination. The truck finally stopped and they opened the door, the light hurt my eyes. I’ve been writing in the dark for so long. I was so hungry, and confused. Next thing I know they slap these collars and chains on all of us and start dragging us out. The guy in front of me tried to fight them, he started tugging at his chains and he finally yanked them out of one of the C.U.s hands. He started running. I don’t know where the shots came from but he went down hard. I watched two guards walk up to his body and drag him away, this trail of bright red blood in the sand. I never liked blood.

They took us into these big concrete rooms and started hosing us down. They didn’t bother to let us strip or anything, I swear the water had ice in it. After our shower, we were led to these cells. I hid the diary in my clothes, it was soaked but I let it dry and it’s fine, just a little crinkled. There are only a couple of us here, and I haven’t seen any of the others since they put us in these cells. I guess I really am alone now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1/31/12

1 A.M.

Dear Diary,

I want to go home.

I want to go anywhere that’s not here. I thought I had finally given up on life and just gave in to all the dark feelings inside me, but then I came here. I don’t know what they want, they don’t talk to us. I miss being talked to. They whisper and mumble to themselves, or to their other scientist friends, but never to us directly. They take me out of my room at least once a day, they drag me to this big room with a table in it and they strap me down. They poke and prod and...cut. I just want to go home. It might make me a baby, but I want my mom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2/5/12

2:09 A.M.

Dear Diary,

I still don’t know what they want from me, it’s been near a week and they keep taking blood and hair and whatever else they feel like taking. I get fed once a day, some tan goo they call food. It kind of tastes like hot dogs. Really gooey, salty, hot dogs. I wonder whats going to happen to me. Am I just going to live out the rest of my life here? Getting poked and proded and having all the blood sucked out of me, vial by vial? I hope not. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a good day. I’ve forgotten about going home. I just want to not be miserable.