Let me know what you guys think xD
Ethan’s eyes fluttered open, and he was met with a wall of wall of white hair. Two round ears poked up out of the tussled patch of hair. Ethan smiled and kissed the back of Carey’s head, making his ears twitch. He laughed, waking the smaller man. Carey turned around and stretched, yawning.
“Morning,” Ethan mumbled.
“Good morning,” Carey replied, voice laced with sleep. His tail was twisted between them, and they were both lying on it. He winced as he pulled it out from under Ethan’s thighs and threw it behind him carelessly.
“What’s it feel like having a tail?” Ethan asked.
“I don’t know. It’s not that weird. You get used to it.” Carey shrugged. Ethan chuckled, and reached a hand up to stroke Carey’s round ears. He smiled. “That feels good,” he murmured. Ethan smiled and leaned forward, kissing Carey’s soft lips. Carey blinked and smiled, before kissing Ethan back. “That felt good, too,” he blushed. Ethan smiled.
“Our first kiss, huh? I kind of like it,” he kissed him again. Carey smiled and playfully pushed him away.
“All this before breakfast?” Carey laughed.
“Speaking of which, what do you want for breakfast?” Ethan asked, continuing to rub his ears.
“Mmmm? Food?” he said, incoherently.
“Yes. Food. Sustenance. Things you need to fuel your body.” Ethan laughed, stretching his hands above his head.
“Sorry, I don’t think well when my ears are touched,” Carey laughed. He sighed and looked at the clock. “It’s early, we have time to go out if you want?” Carey asked.
“That could be fun,” Ethan said, before frowning. “Except for this whole deal.” He pulled out his pockets, showing the very obvious lack of money. Carey reached over to the bedside table and grabbed his wallet. He opened the leather object and sighed.
“I got a five. Breakfast at McDonalds?” he laughed. Ethan smiled.
“Why don’t we see what I can whip up here?” he said, reaching a hand out to touch Carey under the warm blankets.
“Sounds good.” He smiled, and reached a hand up to stroke Ethan’s cheek. Ethan blinked, and roughly slapped Carey’s hand away. Carey frowned and put his ears back sadly.
“Sounds good,” Ethan mumbled and crawled out of the bed. Carey followed him slowly, frowning at the sudden, but brief, burst of anger.
“You promised to talk to me,” Carey said. Ethan paused as he looked through the fridge, sighing.
“Yeah. I did, and I will. Just... can we talk about this after breakfast?” He held up a half empty carton of eggs. Carey sat down silently. Ethan began making omelets, cutting up mushrooms, bell peppers, grating cheese, all in silence. Carey fumbled with the silverware in front of him.
“Where did you learn to cook?” Carey asked, nonchalantly.
“I was on my own a lot when I was growing up. And unlike most teenage boys, I’m a picky eater. So I learned how to make good food,” Ethan laughed.
“Alone a lot? Where were your parents?” Carey asked, trying to seem innocent. Ethan obviously saw through him and rolled his eyes with a sigh.
“They were around. They had me when they were young and I think they always considered me a mistake. I never really cared for them either. I spent most of my time with my best friend,” Ethan admitted, starting the fire for the hash browns he was making from a few potatoes he found.
“Who was that?” Carey asked.
“This guy named Mike. We were friends for a long time,” he said, stirring the potatoes in the large pan.
“Were?” Carey frowned.
“Yeah... ‘were’,” Ethan mumbled, bitterly. “When we were in our last year of high school, this infected guy moved into town,” Ethan started. “Alex.” He got lost in space for a moment before he was brought back to reality when Carey cleared his throat. “I hated him. A lot. Mike fell in love with the guy,” Ethan explained. “They were serious and he dropped me as a friend when I couldn’t deal.”
“That must have been hard,” Carey said, sadly.
“I don’t blame him for it. I was a jerk. I was so mean to Alex.” Ethan looked sad. “This dickwad Randal was just a stupid bigot. I hated Alex, I won't lie about that. But Randal... he...” Ethan scowled down at the food. “He was just evil.”
“What happened?” Carey asked, trying to keep Ethan talking.
“We kicked his ass. I’m not proud about it. But I was part of his torture. He left school, moved in with Mike. I just wanted to leave it alone. I was depressed and didn’t have a friend anymore. Things were shit at home and I just wanted to forget about all of that crap. But Randal wasn’t finished. He wanted more blood. He shot him,” Ethan said the last part in a whisper. Carey looked shocked. “He died and Mike was just ruined. I felt so bad. He blamed me and he had every right to. I’ve never felt so bad about anything in my life,” Ethan said.
“Maybe that’s it. You feel so guilty you just lash out at any infected in sight,” Carey guessed.
“The story doesn’t end there. I apologized to Mike and he rejected me, again and again. But not long after that I really tried to figure out who I was. I experimented a little and realized I was gay. I chalked up all my horrible violence toward Alex as jealousy. I just charged back into Mike’s life. He had found a new lover, Anthony. Really nice guy, another infected,” Ethan said. “I fell in love with a friend of his, Chris. He had a thing for Mike but never acted on it because they were such good friends. I was doing so well, I didn’t like Anthony by any means, but I dealt with him. Then, I just snapped one night and kicked the crap out of him. Chris left me, kicked me out of our place. I was wandering around, so angry at him and Anthony and Mike. I lashed out at the first infected I saw. This little ram hybrid. He was so small, he couldn’t even put up a fight,” Ethan finshed. He set the plates of hot food down and sat across from Carey.
“Have you ever thought about finding the people you hurt? Apologizing? It might help,” Carey suggested.
“Alex is dead,” Ethan reminded him.
“But Anthony and the guy after that aren’t. Right? Where is Anthony?” Carey asked.
“I don’t know. Probably still with Mike at the school,” Ethan shrugged.
“Okay, and the Ram?” he asked.
“I don’t know. Last I heard he was in bad shape, still in the hospital. But that was like three weeks ago.”
“Here,” Carey said. Ethan had been so lost in his thoughts, he hadn’t noticed Carey grab the small laptop from the living room. “This is from last week. It says he’s still in the hospital and doctors think he’ll be there for a few more weeks. Lets go,” Carey stood up.
“What? I just made breakfast.”
“We’ll take it to go,” Carey piled the omelets and potatoes on to two paper plates, and headed for the door.
“Jeez, since when were you so eager to go outside,” Ethan asked, pulling on his shoes as fast as he could.
“Since it would help you,” Carey winked.
“Carey... I don’t think this is a good idea,” Ethan mumbled, as they walked up to the front desk. Carey clung to his arm, shaking a little from being outside. Ethan could tell he was nervous and was trying hard not to show it.
“You would be surprised how much facing your fears help. You’re scared of how guilty you feel about what you did. This will help. I promise.” Carey smiled. Ethan nodded. He needed to learn to trust Carey if this was going to work. Carey spoke with the nurse, who gave Ethan a funny look while they talked. He tried to look around innocently, not drawing any attention to himself. “Come on,” Carey smiled.
“She actually let me in?” Ethan frowned.
“I was just honest with her, I told her who you were, and that you wanted to apologize.” Carey shrugged. “People are more caring than you give them credit for,” Carey said.
“Yeah. I guess they’re not all as bad as me,” Ethan whispered to himself. The door was open to the hospital room when they arrived. Carey knocked on the door frame softly.
“Marcus?” he whispered. Ethan raised an eyebrow. He had never even known the kids name. The young hybrid resting in the bed turned his gaze to Carey, eyes ringed with black circles, the true sign of an insomniac. “My name is Carey,” he spoke in a soft voice. He stepped into the room and approached the bed carefully. “You don’t know me, but you know him.” Carey stepped aside so Marcus could see Ethan. His eyes went wide and he opened his mouth with a terrified bleet. He squirmed in the bed, as if trying to move as far away from Ethan as possible. Ethan swallowed and felt tears brimming his eyes. He had made this poor boy so afraid. How could he make him so afraid? “No, no, no. Marcus, it’s okay!” Carey said, trying to calm him down. “He’s here to apologize. He just wants to say how sorry he is,” Carey explained quickly. Marcus froze and looked back and forth between the two men in front of him.
“Marcus? Uh... my name’s Ethan,” Ethan mumbled, not knowing what else to say.
“L-like I g-give a f-f-fuck,” Marcus stuttered out, visibly shaking. Ethan felt the bite of his words and tried to shake off the swear.
“I’m sorry for what I did to you, Marcus. I really am. I was just so angry and I took it out on you. You didn’t deserve that,” Ethan said. He looked over to Carey, who nodded his head in reassurance. “I know that you probably won't forgive me. But I wanted to apologize. Just so you would know that I do feel sorry about what I did.” Ethan looked down at his feet. Marcus refused to look at Ethan, and said nothing.
“Thank you for your time, Marcus,” Carey said quietly. “We’ll let you get some rest.” Carey gently led Ethan out of the room.
“You’re a monster,” Marcus said quietly, just loud enough for them to hear as they stepped out.
“Yeah, that didn’t really make me feel better,” Ethan mumbled.
“I know it’s hard. But you’ll feel better later. Just remember that you did your part, now it’s up to Marcus. You did all you could,” Carey said.
“Where are we going?” Ethan asked, realizing they weren’t headed home.
“To face your other demons,” Carey replied. Ethan saw the dorms a block away.
“Oh no, no, no, no. No way am I going back there,” Ethan stopped.
“Ethan. This is important,” Carey said sternly. “You said it yourself, Mike is a good guy. I think he’ll see that you’re trying to get help.”
“It’s not just Mike. I’ll have to face Tony, and Chris...” he said that last with even more hesitation. Carey swallowed.
“Do you still have feelings for Chris?” he asked, asking more as a psychiatrist than a lover. Ethan looked at him.
“The feelings I have for him are nothing compared to what I feel for you.” Ethan wrapped his arms around Carey, making him smile and fold his ears back. “Lets get this over with,” he rolled his eyes. Holding hands with Ethan, they stepped into the dorms.
“The fuck?” Mike swore as he opened the door.
“Who is it?” he heard Anthony call out. Poking his head out from behind Mike, sitting on the bed.
“Just a rat,” Mike said, glaring at Ethan. He finally noticed Carey and swallowed. “No offense,” he mumbled.
“None taken,” Carey blushed.
“Mike, I just came to-”
“You shouldn’t have come at all. Get the fuck out of here Ethan, before I kick your ass.” Mike slammed the door. Ethan sighed and put his head down. Carey looked at him and then back at the door, before knocking for Ethan. He heard the faint sounds of Mike and Tony fighting, before the door opened. Bright yellow eyes peering out from the crack in the door. When he made sure it was who he thought it was, he opened the door the rest of the way. His long black tail poked out of his leather pants and swished back and forth nervously. The mouse inside Carey panicked, but he managed to get control.
“Ethan.” Anthony crossed his arms.
“Tony... I came to-”
“To cause more damage than you already have? Why don’t you leave me alone already?” Mike said, pushing Anthony to the side, who glared at him with his cat-like eyes.
“Mike!” Anthony growled at him.
“You know what, this was a dumb idea, I’ll just-” He turned to walk away and stopped when he came face to face with Chris. “Chris...” he whispered. Carey looked back and forth between the two and decided to break the tension.
“You must be Chris, it’s nice to meet you.” He smiled at the twink in front of him. “I’m Carey.”
“Uh, hi,” he mumbled.
“Who the hell are you?” Mike asked Carey.
“Mike, don’t be a dick.” Anthony slapped his chest.
“Oh, uh... I’m Ethan’s... uh...” he didn’t know what to say. Boyfriend? Therapist? Punishment? D all of the above?
“Boyfriend. He’s my boyfriend,” Ethan spoke up, so Carey wouldn’t have to. Everyone’s eyes got wide, and Carey’s ears fell back against his head.
“Not too point out the elephant in the room but...” Mike began.
“You’re dating an infected?” Chris yelled. Ethan swallowed, and pulled Carey close when he saw he began shaking.
“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?” Ethan asked.
“Well... nothing. Except you kind of have a history of hating us,” Anthony said, from behind Mike.
“Hate is a loose word. More like despise.”
“Abuse,” Chris offered.
“Torture,” Mike added.
“Maim?” Anthony looked around, getting a few nods and shrugs from Chris and Mike.
“Okay, I get it,” Ethan snapped. “Come on, lets just go this was a stupid idea.” Ethan tried to walk away but was surprised when Carey pulled him back.
“No, you have to do this,” Carey said, holding onto his hand. He sighed, and took a deep breath.
“Anthony, I’m sorry I hit you. Chris, I’m sorry I disappointed you. Mike... I’m sorry about Alex,” Ethan apologized. The three stared at him. Ethan turned back to Carey. “Can we go now?” he begged. Carey looked into his eyes and saw the sadness. He looked like a puppy that had been thrown out onto the street. It was obvious he really was sorry, and that he punished himself more than the court ever could. Carey nodded and followed Ethan as he walked down the hall.
“Apology accepted,” Anthony called out after him. Ethan looked up. Chris nodded and crossed his arms.
“Yeah. It’s alright,” he mumbled.
“No it’s not. I still hate you,” Mike shrugged.
“Mike!” Anthony pushed him roughly.
“Ow,” Mike winced.
“Pig-headed idiot,” Anthony crossed his arms. Ethan couldn’t help but smile.
“This doesn’t mean we’re friends again,” Mike clarified.
“I know. I don’t think I can ever get that back,” Ethan said sadly.
“You can’t. But that doesn’t mean we don’t forgive you,” Anthony said. Ethan nodded.
“Thank you.” Carey smiled at them, as they left. Ethan walked, slightly faster than normal. Carey grabbed his hand and spun him around to face him on the deserted sidewalk. “Are you okay?” he asked. Without a word, Ethan leaned in and kissed him. Carey savored the kiss and wrapped his arms around Ethan’s neck. “I like it when you do that,” he smiled.
“I do, too.” Ethan kissed him again, lightly.
“Lets go home.” Carey took his hand, and headed home.
“Feel better?” Carey asked, as they returned to his apartment.
“Is it weird if I say yes?” Ethan asked.
“Not at all,” Carey smiled. “Me, however....” he sighed and sat down on the bed. Ethan saw him visibly shaking.
“That was a long time to be out. Are you okay?” he asked. Carey nodded.
“I think I’m finally getting a hold of this stuff,” Carey said, taking a deep breath. “I’m tired though.” He laughed it off, but Ethan could see the exhaustion in his eyes.
“Me too, how about a nap?” Ethan asked. Carey nodded gratefully.
“That sounds really good.” He fell backwards into bed. Ethan laughed and kicked off his shoes, crawling in with him. But instead of falling asleep, Carey stared up at the ceiling.
“You okay?” Ethan asked, noticing he was still awake.
“Yeah,” Carey whispered.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked, sleep creeping into his voice.
“Our kiss,” Carey blushed.
“You’re a good kisser, much practice?” Ethan asked.
“Not really...” Carey blushed harder. “I had a few boyfriends back in high school, but nothing too serious.”
“How serious did it get?” Ethan asked, hand sliding up Carey’s waist. His breathing sped up and his ears fell back in a blush.
“Uh... I’ve only... really had sex... a couple of times.” Carey was distracted, as Ethan moved his hand back down and around to his round ass.
“Uh huh?” he urged him on.
“Uh...” Carey gasped as Ethan squeezed his ass firmly. “I dated a guy in college... he... was...” He sighed as Ethan slid his hand into Carey’s pants. “He was my first. But we only slept together a couple of times before we broke up...” Carey admitted, in a rushed tone as Ethan slid his other hand around to Carey’s ass. Carey was now resting on top of Ethan, his head buried in his neck. His hardening cock pressed against Ethans through the thin material of his pants. “W-what about you?” Carey asked.
“No more talking,” Ethan almost growled, and covered Carey’s mouth with his own. Carey returned the kiss and before he knew it, Ethan was helping him tug off his pants, his shirt already thrown on the floor. He pulled Ethan’s shirt off and in no time they were both naked, under the gaze of each other. Ethan let his hands run down Carey’s slightly furred body. The white hair clung to his sides, and down to his hips. The fur stopped, mid thigh. His decent sized cock rested in a soft patch of white hair. Ethan reached down and stroked it a few times, enjoying the moan it coaxed out of Carey. He moved his hand back up, stroking Carey’s ears as they kissed again.
Carey let his own hands explore Ethan, running them up and down his chest and stomach. He moved them around to Ethan’s back and played with the muscles there, enjoying the feel of him under his soft hands.
“Is this too fast?” Ethan asked suddenly. “I don’t want to pressure you, I just-” Without a word Carey reached over to the bedside table and pulled out a condom and some lube. Ethan smiled and gave him a questioning look. Carey blushed again.
“I... uh... got them... the day I met you. You should have seen the look on the grocery delivery boys face when he dropped them off,” Carey smiled evilly.
“Look at you. I thought you were part mouse, not minx,” Ethan laughed. Carey smiled and looked down at Ethan chest shyly. “Are you sure you want to go this far?” Ethan asked. Carey nodded, a little too excited. Ethan laughed and removed his hands from Carey’s ass. When Carey looked at him questioningly, he nodded down at his hard cock. Carey blushed and smiled, slithering down Ethan’s body, he opened the condom and rolled it on to Ethan’s hard cock.
While Carey was busy playing with Ethan, Ethan took the time to prep with his lover. He poured a fair amount of lube on his hands, and warmed it up with his fingers quickly, before using a finger to gently spread the lube in and around Carey’s ass. He moaned as Ethan worked one, and then two fingers in and out of him. Ethan moved Carey, so that his back was on the bed, and positioned himself above him.
“Are you ready?” he asked, nervously. Carey nodded, eyes glazed over with lust. He smiled as he lined up his cock with Carey’s opening, and slowly pushed in. Carey gasped as he was filled with Ethan’s length. Ethan bit his lip to keep from crying out as his cock was enveloped in Carey’s warmth. Carey wiggled underneath him. “Are you okay?” he asked, through clenched teeth. Carey nodded. Ethan smiled and kissed him once more, before picking up a steady rhythm. Carey wrapped his legs around Ethan, forcing him deeper into him as they moved together. He threaded his hands into Ethan’s hair, and ran them down his back. His small claws gently scrapped the tender skin on Ethans sides, making him shiver and moan.
“Ethan... I... can’t last much longer,” Carey said, biting his bottom lip.
“Me neither,” Ethan said, out of breath. At Ethan’s admission, Carey moaned as he began cumming. His cock sprayed a large amount of cum in bursts, across his chest and Ethan’s. Ethan grunted as he filled the condom inside Carey’s ass, loving the feeling of his boy writhing beneath him. He pulled out and tied off the condom, before collapsing next to Carey, who still panted as he curled up on Ethans stomach.
Carey loved the feeling of Ethan’s warm body next to his. It had been a long time since he had snuggled with anyone, and the feeling was great. The steady rise and fall of Ethan’s chest lulled him to sleep quickly, but he didn’t stay that way for long. After only a few minutes of dozing, he was woken up by Ethan’s mumbling. He watched his once peaceful face as it twisted into one of fear. He whimpered quietly and tossed his head from side to side. Carey wanted to wake him up, and was about too, when Ethan began speaking.
“Won’t... I won’t...” he mumbled, as he lifted his hands above his head. Carey frowned.
“Ethan...” he whispered quietly. Ethan cried out and threw a hand over his eyes. He whimpered louder and louder.
“Please... don’t...” he said, gasping for air.
“Ethan,” Carey said louder, touching his shoulder.
“Don’t, please don’t...” tears fell from his eyes as he sobbed in his sleep.
“Ethan!” Carey had had enough. His shouting woke the other man with a start. Ethan sat up straight, tears falling from his eyes. He whimpered quietly and looked around. “What the hell were you dreaming about?” Carey asked, putting a hand on Ethan’s back.
“I-I don’t know. It was dark...” Ethan mumbled. “I was walking home... I was younger. I think I was in high school. I... ugh...” Ethan held his head in his hand.
“Are you okay?” Carey asked.
“Yeah. My head just hurts,” he said. Carey stood up and walked into the bathroom, returning with a cup of water and a few aspirin in hand.
“Take these.” He handed the pills to Ethan and he swallowed them with a drink of water. Carey took the glass and put it on the bedside table before sitting next to Ethan on the bed. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” he turned onto his side, his back to Carey.
“Why are you hiding from this. It’s just a dream, isn’t it?” Carey asked.
“Just leave me alone,” Ethan said.
“Ethan, talk to me,” Carey said.
“Fuck off, Carey!” Ethan roughly shoved Carey, forcing him off the bed. Carey stared at him helplessly as Ethan tried to silence the sobs that wracked his body.
“Ethan, what’s wrong? You can talk to me. Not just as a shrink but as a friend... and more.” Carey sat back down on the bed and rubbed Ethan’s back soothingly. Ethan sobbed loudly.
“I don’t want to!” he said, like a child.
“Why?” Carey asked.
“I-I don’t know, please just leave it alone,” he whined. Carey stared at him silently and sighed.
“Okay,” he said, crawling into bed. It took him longer to fall asleep because Ethan’s breathing wasn’t so steady this time.
“Ethan, come on, it’s morning.” Carey gently shook Ethan awake. His eyes fluttered open and he sighed as he sat up. “Feeling better?” Carey asked Ethan nodded a little, unconvincingly.
“I just need a shower,” Ethan mumbled and stood up.
“Yeah, okay,” Carey nodded. Ethan stood and walked to the bathroom. Carey listened as the water turned on. He moved to the kitchen, in the blackness of the apartment, to start breakfast. He had only just started the eggs, when he heard a loud thump from the bathroom. He looked up and frowned, listening for any other sound. “Ethan?” he called out. When he received no reply, he turned off the fire quickly and ran into the bathroom. “Ethan?” he called again, as he stepped into the warm bathroom. Ethan was crouched on the floor of the shower, sobbing into his knees. “Ethan! What’s wrong!?” Carey ignored the hot water pouring down on them. His clothes and fur were soaked and he shrugged it all off and knelt down with Ethan. Ethan continued crying, not saying a word. “Please, talk to me,” Carey begged.
“I remember...” Ethan said, between sobs.
“Remember what?” Carey asked, confused.
“I know why I hate you so much. Not you... I...” Ethan grunted and held his head, as if he had a migraine. “Infected. I...” He sighed and shook his head, the tears mixing in with the water.
“Come on, Ethan. Talk to me I can help you!” Carey begged.
“I was raped!” he shouted, tired of Carey pestering him. He collapsed, even more than he already was. He drew in long deep breaths trying to get some air, but it seemed useless. Carey held him as he cried, not knowing what to say.
“Ethan...” he began, but stopped. Nothing he could say would help. He let Ethan cry, until the water turned cold and his ears were lying down with the weight of the water. His long whiskers slouched, too. Finally, after nearly fifteen minutes of uncontrollable sobbing, he began to settle down. Carey reached up and turned the water off. He grabbed the towel Ethan had set out for himself on the counter, and wrapped him in the soft material. He dried him off quickly, and led him to the bed, ignoring his own soaked fur. After Ethan was passed out in bed, he grabbed the blow dryer and dried the sprinkling of white fur quickly.
Ethan woke up from his deep sleep still tired. He felt like the tiredness would never end. When Carey had woken him up in the middle of the night from his nightmare, he had denied it. He told himself it was only a dream, but somewhere inside him he knew that was a lie. When he tried to remember where the dream had come from, it only gave him headaches, and this sickening feeling in his stomach. He kept prying at the spot in his mind that clearly didn’t want pried at. It had been the spray of the hot water, and that final scratch at that blank spot in his memory that had sparked the horrible events that took place that night. Carey stepped into the room, sighing. A long silenced passed between them before Carey spoke.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Carey asked. Ethan nodded. Carey sat on the bed and put a hand on Ethan’s shoulder.
“It was right before my freshman year in high school. It was during summer break,” Ethan began. “Mike and I had gone to the movies and he went home, he only lived like a block away. But I lived like half way across town. Since my parents were never around I had to walk everywhere.” Ethan took a deep breath, and continued after he got a reassuring back rub from Carey. “It was really late, and it was raining. The streets were empty and I wasn’t in the best part of town. But I was a cocky teenager and didn’t think anyone would mess with me,” Ethan mumbled. “It was just this one guy. He wasn’t that big, but I was pretty small for my age,” he explained. “He dragged me into an alley and covered my mouth. He just tore my clothes and used my shirt to gag me, using some duct tape to keep it in my mouth,” Ethan said, spacing out as if he was back in the alley. “He didn’t last very long. But I remember how his claws scratched me. I think he was an otter, or something? I don’t know. All I remember is he had these long claws and these bright eyes that glowed in the moonlight. After he was finished he tore the tape off and told me that if I ever said anything he would kill me,” Ethan said. “It’s not like I was going to tell. I thought... I thought that nobody would take me seriously. I was just a kid it never even occurred to me that men could be... uh... raped, too.” Ethan stumbled over the word, shivering when he finally spat it out.
“You know that’s not true now, though. Right? This doesn’t make you any less of a man,” Carey said. Ethan nodded, though it wasn’t very convincing. Carey brushed his fingers through his hair, trying to soothe a worried looking Ethan.
“I went home, and got into the shower,” he continued. “I just scrubbed for hours and hours. The water got cold a long time before I finally stopped. I went through an entire bottle of body wash but I just couldn’t get the feeling of him off of me.” Ethan’s voice quivered and tears fell down his cheeks. Carey soothed him as he cried for a moment, before pulling himself back together. He took another deep breath. “I threw my clothes in the dumpster, locked myself in my room, and went to sleep. I just ignored what happened. I never even thought of telling anyone. It just never crossed my mind. I just kept shoving it into the back of my mind and pretending like it never happened.” Ethan shook his head. “God it just feels so weird. Like there was a puzzle piece missing from an otherwise complete puzzle, and now that piece has just been shoved back in there and you can see the whole picture.” He held his head again.
“You should really see someone, besides me I mean. I know it will be hard at first, but it’s important. I don’t know anything about this kind of thing, repressed memories and handling rape victims. But I know a few friends from school who will know how to help you,” Carey said. Ethan nodded.
“I think I can talk to somebody now. Before, I would just freak out whenever I got anywhere near the memory. I didn’t know why, I just panicked,” he sighed.
“It’s okay, Ethan. We’re dealing with this now. This means you can finally move on with your life,” Carey said, throwing a bit of happiness into the situation. Ethan smiled, but only a little.
“I really want that,” he said, crying from relief.
“And you can have that. Just remember that it’s going to take some time,” Carey said. “Like you told me, you can’t expect to get better after one breakthrough. But look at me now, I spent the whole day outside yesterday, and even met three new people,” Carey smiled. Ethan smiled with him and nodded.
“I’m proud of you for that, by the way,” Ethan added, as his tears began drying.
“Thank you. I’m proud of you, for facing this,” Carey said. Ethan nodded, obviously unsure.
“How was it?” Carey asked, as Ethan came back from his first therapy session.
“It was... hard. There was a lot of crying, and all I’m gonna say is it wasn’t from the shrink.” He laughed, embarrassed. “But I feel like I’m finally getting control of my life,” Ethan nodded.
“We’re a great couple, aren’t we? An agoraphobic, anxiety-filled, rodent-man, and a rape victim with a temper like the incredible hulk.” Carey smiled. Ethan sighed and laughed.
“Yeah, we’re not perfect. But I love you.” Ethan kissed Carey. “I hope that’s enough,” Ethan hugged him tight.
“I love you, too, and yes it is enough,” Carey leaned into Ethan’s embrace.
“I think if we just give it some time, and put in a little effort, we’ll get better and we’ll have all the time in the world together,” Ethan said.
“It’s good to see you so positive,” Carey smiled.
“Yeah, I guess. I just have a good feeling about this. About our future. A really good feeling,” Ethan nodded.